I am sure many of you understand that the stress I was under, as I was reaching the end of my rainbow pregnancy, was nearly unbearable. Would something go wrong? Would we lose this baby too? If something did go wrong, would we be okay? The questions I asked myself on a daily basis make me cry now.
Everyday for the past several months I have thought about the night I would sit down and write this post. It has taken everything in me to sit here tonight and share this experience with you.
The Road to Our Rainbow Baby
For the first 20 weeks of my rainbow pregnancy I saw my MFM every 2 weeks with an ultrasound every 3 to 4 weeks. At 20 weeks I was seeing my MFM weekly with an ultrasound every 2 weeks. By 27 weeks I saw my MFM twice a week along with non-stress tests (NST's) and biophysical profiles (BPP's) at each appointment.
My pregnancy was not physically challenging though I did have my hurdles to jump over. Mentally, however, I was taxed. I was diagnosed with mild to severe depression at 24 weeks. I opted to try other ways to deal with my depression instead of medicine. I am so happy that I made that decision for myself and Matty.
When we first discussed becoming pregnant again with Dr. Kalan, we planned on induction at 38 weeks. In September, however, Dr. Kalan and I agreed that induction at 37 weeks would be most appropriate. We scheduled my induction for October 16th.
My pregnancy was not physically challenging though I did have my hurdles to jump over. Mentally, however, I was taxed. I was diagnosed with mild to severe depression at 24 weeks. I opted to try other ways to deal with my depression instead of medicine. I am so happy that I made that decision for myself and Matty.
When we first discussed becoming pregnant again with Dr. Kalan, we planned on induction at 38 weeks. In September, however, Dr. Kalan and I agreed that induction at 37 weeks would be most appropriate. We scheduled my induction for October 16th.
On Thursday October 3rd I was experiencing period like cramping... I felt as if at any moment I would begin gushing blood. I called Dr. Kalan's office and she informed me that she was not in town but that I needed to come into the office immediately. When I got to the office I was immediately put on to the NST. I failed. From there I had a BPP. I failed that as well. I was then admitted to L&D for a 24hr observation. By Friday morning we knew that I was having mild and oddly spaced contractions, which they called "uterine irritability", but that baby had a perfect heart rate and labor was not in my near future. I was discharged that afternoon. I was told to rest until my induction day in 12 days and to keep all of my scheduled appointments.
On Tuesday October 8th I made my usual 7:45am Tuesday morning drive to Hillcrest Hospital for my NST and BPP. I walked into the office at 8:15am. My Nurse, Brandy, took me back to the NST room almost immediately. As she was placing the monitors on my belly we talked about my plans for the rest of the day. I was hoping that my tests would go quickly so that I could go to go to Panera for lunch and have Mac & Cheese before I headed to work. But, I failed my NST and BPP.
Dr. Kalan repeated my BPP herself. Again, I failed. She began asking me a bunch of questions... When was the last time I felt the baby move? I wasn't sure. Did I have sexual intercourse in the last 12 hours? No. Have I experienced any heaving bleeding... any bleeding at all? No. Did I use recreational drugs throughout my pregnancy? Of course not. Was I still experiencing the period like cramping I had been experiencing on Thursday? Yes. The questions seemed all too similar to the questions I was asked the night we lost Peyton. Dr. Kalan left the room. I sat there by myself for a minute... I thought I was all alone. And then the door opened and in walked my wonderful Nurse, Brandy, who I saw at nearly every appointment. She sat with me until Dr. Kalan came back in.
Dr. Kalan repeated my BPP herself. Again, I failed. She began asking me a bunch of questions... When was the last time I felt the baby move? I wasn't sure. Did I have sexual intercourse in the last 12 hours? No. Have I experienced any heaving bleeding... any bleeding at all? No. Did I use recreational drugs throughout my pregnancy? Of course not. Was I still experiencing the period like cramping I had been experiencing on Thursday? Yes. The questions seemed all too similar to the questions I was asked the night we lost Peyton. Dr. Kalan left the room. I sat there by myself for a minute... I thought I was all alone. And then the door opened and in walked my wonderful Nurse, Brandy, who I saw at nearly every appointment. She sat with me until Dr. Kalan came back in.
Dr. Kalan informed me that that I would be having an amniocentesis to check for lung maturity and to see what we would be facing when I would be induced that afternoon. They weren't exactly sure what was happening but there was a huge possibility that I was having a severe placenta abruption. They wouldn't be sure until I delivered though. Because of my obstetric history, they were taking no chances.
The amniocentesis was worse than labor itself. Brandy held my hand the entire time. In the background I could hear my cell phone ringing and ringing... Matt was calling. After the amniocentesis I was hooked up to the NST to monitor baby's heart rate. I returned Matt's call then. We decided that we would wait until my amnio results came back for him to leave work. He called my parents and in-laws.
Not even half an hour later my amnio results were back. Dr. Kalan felt that lung maturity was reached and that if a NICU stay was needed it would be short. Dr. Kalan called over to L&D for someone to transport me over but they were full... yes, FULL! Actually, they were overflowing with pregnant women about to give birth. There was an induction scheduled at 3pm that afternoon however that they were able to push back to the next day so I could be induced. Essentially, I was cutting in line and I didn't even feel bad!
I was allowed to get lunch before I was admitted into L&D, so I decided I would go home to meet up with Matt and to grab my hospital bag. Before I left the office Brandy gave me a huge hug and wished me the best of luck. Dr. Kalan said that she would not be able to deliver me but that she was off the next day and would come and check up on me. I cried tears of happiness, tears of fear, and tears of release on my way home. When I got home Matt and I stood and hugged one another for a moment. The time was finally here... but how? How did we make it this far? We drove back to Hillcrest together. Our drive to Hillcrest this time was much different our drive with Peyton. We talked.... we laughed... we listened to music. At 3pm we checked into L&D, ready to have a baby.
At 4pm I began the induction process with Cervadil (I was already 2cm dilated) in a triage room. My contractions began almost immediately. By 11:30pm my contractions were a minute apart, each lasting a minute.They followed the same pattern that my uterine irritability had been charting over the last few days. I was in so much pain and the contractions were affecting baby's heart rate so the Cervadil was removed. At 1am I began Pitocin to keep things moving. Just before 3am we were transferred to a labor and delivery room. A little after 3am I received my epidural. At 4:15am my water broke and I was 7cm. At 4:50am I was ready to push.
Happy BIRTHday
I began pushing at 4:56am. During my second push the doctor who was delivering me asked if I could wait a second. Matty was delivered with my next push at 4:59am. Matt, our Mom's, and I cried as the doctor lifted Matty up. He cried. It was so beautiful. Then, he was placed on my chest. I watched him take a breath... and then another... and another after that. He was my baby and he was living.
At 4pm I began the induction process with Cervadil (I was already 2cm dilated) in a triage room. My contractions began almost immediately. By 11:30pm my contractions were a minute apart, each lasting a minute.They followed the same pattern that my uterine irritability had been charting over the last few days. I was in so much pain and the contractions were affecting baby's heart rate so the Cervadil was removed. At 1am I began Pitocin to keep things moving. Just before 3am we were transferred to a labor and delivery room. A little after 3am I received my epidural. At 4:15am my water broke and I was 7cm. At 4:50am I was ready to push.
Happy BIRTHday
I began pushing at 4:56am. During my second push the doctor who was delivering me asked if I could wait a second. Matty was delivered with my next push at 4:59am. Matt, our Mom's, and I cried as the doctor lifted Matty up. He cried. It was so beautiful. Then, he was placed on my chest. I watched him take a breath... and then another... and another after that. He was my baby and he was living.
Matthew "Matty" John Lunger Jr. was born at 35 weeks. He was 6lbs 5ozs and 19 inches long. He had a head full of brown hair and blue eyes. He was the spitting image of his Dad.
Matty spent his first half hour on my chest and nursed like a champ right away. He was then taken up to the nursery to be observed for his breathing. Matt went with him and sat outside of the nursery. I fell asleep. I was woken up by a nurse who told me that I lost a lot of blood during delivery... too much blood. I hemorrhaged badly. She informed me that I would stay on the Pitocin until 3pm. At that time my blood work would be redone to see if I needed a blood transfusion.
An hour later Matt and Matty returned to my room. We then prepared to be transferred to a postpartum room. Our parents said goodbye to us and that they would see us later that day. Once we got settled into our room I realized what had just happened... WE HAD A BABY!!! Matt, Matty, and I enjoyed our first few hours together.
At 3pm my blood was taken again and sent off to the lab. For the most part my bleeding had slowed down. My blood work came back within the hour and my levels were increasing which signaled that a transfusion was not necessary (thank goodness!). I was taken off of the pitocin and pain medications at 6pm. I was so excited because that meant I finally could take a shower!
After our parents and visitors left, Matt and I prepared for our first night with our precious Matty. I took my first shower while Matt and Matty cuddled up together. I kept asking myself "Is this real?". Our first night was perfect. Our first morning was even more perfect. The nurses talked about discharging us that day, but I was not comfortable with that. Sometime during the day, Dr. Kalan stopped to visit me. It meant so much to me! She gave me some words of encouragement and said that she would see me in 6 weeks to discuss the placenta pathology report.
Later that day, we had several visitors. After everyone left that evening we began to get ready for bed. Then, a nurse came into our room and informed us that Matty was jaundice, and I would either need to start pumping milk or they would start giving him formula. Immediately they began hooking Matty up under the billilights and a nurse assisted me with how to work the breast pump. We were never given any clear information. Matt and I were both scared. We did not understand what was happening.
Matty screamed all night under the billilights. He hated it so much! I hated it even more. As he screamed, I pumped milk for him. Later, we learned more information about jaundice and why I would need to pump. To get rid of the jaundice we needed to increase Matty's feedings, so we needed to know exactly how much he was consuming. The only way to do that was to bottle feed with either breast milk or formula. Without any questions I new that exclusively pumping was the right decision.
After a long night and morning, we were finally released under the condition that Matty would be seen by the Pediatrician first thing Monday morning.. Our first days home were completely beautiful. On Monday, we learned that Matty's jaundice had gotten increasingly worse. A nurse came to our house and hooked up a billiblanket for Matty to wear 24/7. We went every morning for a week to the hospital for blood work. By the end of the week Matty's levels were not increasing and he was aloud to be taken off of the billiblanket. Matty was jaundice for his first 8 weeks. Looking back, it doesn't seem like such a big deal... but at the time my heart was shaking. After such a long journey I did not think that I could handle anything else.
Answers
In November I had my 6 week postpartum appointment with Dr. Kalan. She informed me that clinically I suffered from a severe placenta abruption. Cleveland Clinic disposed of my placenta instead of following Dr. Kalan's orders to send the placenta to pathology so we do not know exactly what caused the placenta abruption. As much as I want to be angry that after everything we have been through we still do not have answers, I cannot be. Dr. Kalan and her entire staff were so good to me throughout my entire pregnancy. At the end of the day I have Matty... and that is all that matters right now. Dr. Kalan was able to tell me that my abruption with Peyton and my abruption with Matty were very similar, we just do not know what caused them at 39 and 35 weeks gestation. In future pregnancies I will not carry past 35 weeks gestation. For that reason alone, I am not sure that we will ever conceive again.
When we lost Peyton I believed that another pregnancy would not only fill my empty heart but bring me the answers that I so desperately needed. Matty brought us happiness again, that is true. But, my heart still aches. I think often about what would have happened if Dr. Kalan did not insist on immediate delivery - what would have happened if she had not been my doctor. My pregnancy with Matty did not bring us answers, instead it brought us more questions.
Now
I could talk for days about how amazing our life is... how completely wonderful the world is now because Matty is in it. But, I won't.
Instead, I will share with you snapshots of our life.
An hour later Matt and Matty returned to my room. We then prepared to be transferred to a postpartum room. Our parents said goodbye to us and that they would see us later that day. Once we got settled into our room I realized what had just happened... WE HAD A BABY!!! Matt, Matty, and I enjoyed our first few hours together.
At 3pm my blood was taken again and sent off to the lab. For the most part my bleeding had slowed down. My blood work came back within the hour and my levels were increasing which signaled that a transfusion was not necessary (thank goodness!). I was taken off of the pitocin and pain medications at 6pm. I was so excited because that meant I finally could take a shower!After our parents and visitors left, Matt and I prepared for our first night with our precious Matty. I took my first shower while Matt and Matty cuddled up together. I kept asking myself "Is this real?". Our first night was perfect. Our first morning was even more perfect. The nurses talked about discharging us that day, but I was not comfortable with that. Sometime during the day, Dr. Kalan stopped to visit me. It meant so much to me! She gave me some words of encouragement and said that she would see me in 6 weeks to discuss the placenta pathology report.Later that day, we had several visitors. After everyone left that evening we began to get ready for bed. Then, a nurse came into our room and informed us that Matty was jaundice, and I would either need to start pumping milk or they would start giving him formula. Immediately they began hooking Matty up under the billilights and a nurse assisted me with how to work the breast pump. We were never given any clear information. Matt and I were both scared. We did not understand what was happening.
Matty screamed all night under the billilights. He hated it so much! I hated it even more. As he screamed, I pumped milk for him. Later, we learned more information about jaundice and why I would need to pump. To get rid of the jaundice we needed to increase Matty's feedings, so we needed to know exactly how much he was consuming. The only way to do that was to bottle feed with either breast milk or formula. Without any questions I new that exclusively pumping was the right decision.After a long night and morning, we were finally released under the condition that Matty would be seen by the Pediatrician first thing Monday morning.. Our first days home were completely beautiful. On Monday, we learned that Matty's jaundice had gotten increasingly worse. A nurse came to our house and hooked up a billiblanket for Matty to wear 24/7. We went every morning for a week to the hospital for blood work. By the end of the week Matty's levels were not increasing and he was aloud to be taken off of the billiblanket. Matty was jaundice for his first 8 weeks. Looking back, it doesn't seem like such a big deal... but at the time my heart was shaking. After such a long journey I did not think that I could handle anything else.
Answers
In November I had my 6 week postpartum appointment with Dr. Kalan. She informed me that clinically I suffered from a severe placenta abruption. Cleveland Clinic disposed of my placenta instead of following Dr. Kalan's orders to send the placenta to pathology so we do not know exactly what caused the placenta abruption. As much as I want to be angry that after everything we have been through we still do not have answers, I cannot be. Dr. Kalan and her entire staff were so good to me throughout my entire pregnancy. At the end of the day I have Matty... and that is all that matters right now. Dr. Kalan was able to tell me that my abruption with Peyton and my abruption with Matty were very similar, we just do not know what caused them at 39 and 35 weeks gestation. In future pregnancies I will not carry past 35 weeks gestation. For that reason alone, I am not sure that we will ever conceive again.
When we lost Peyton I believed that another pregnancy would not only fill my empty heart but bring me the answers that I so desperately needed. Matty brought us happiness again, that is true. But, my heart still aches. I think often about what would have happened if Dr. Kalan did not insist on immediate delivery - what would have happened if she had not been my doctor. My pregnancy with Matty did not bring us answers, instead it brought us more questions.
Now
I could talk for days about how amazing our life is... how completely wonderful the world is now because Matty is in it. But, I won't.
Instead, I will share with you snapshots of our life.
