Parent's of Two
I wish I did not have to constantly ask myself that question. But I have to, nearly every day.
From the moment we first learned that we were expecting our Rainbow Baby, I have felt as if I am pregnant with Peyton all over again. I find myself having conversations with my sub-conscious; reminding myself that though Peyton and this new baby are connected, they are two different beings... two different souls... two different pregnancies.
Sometimes I call the new baby by Peyton's name. Not only do I feel embarrassed when I do that, but I feel as if I am dishonoring our sweet Peyton. Many people smile off my "mix-up", and simply change the topic. But I cannot seem to forget that I frequently make this mistake that easily. I cannot forget it at all.
Matt and I picked out names in the beginning of March for the new baby. If a boy, we decided on Grayson John. Grayson for Peyton's middle name, Grace, and John for Matt's middle name, and both of our Father's names. If a girl, we decided on Abigail Grace. Abigail was one of the only names we could agree on. Grace would be the new baby's middle name after Peyton's middle name, which is also my middle name - It come from my Great-Grandma's first name.
I so desperately needed to have a permanent name for the new baby, so I could begin to separate this pregnancy from my pregnancy with Peyton. Grayson and Abigail were nothing alike, and so they began to seem less fitting.
Matt reminds me of Peyton so much. When I am near him, I feel closest to Peyton. I think I will feel that way about him even more as our family continues to grow in the next several years. And then, out of the blue, it hit me... baby Matty.
Matt's face lit up when I recommended that we name the baby after him, whether a boy or a girl. If a boy, the baby will be Matthew John Jr., and if a girl, the baby will be Matison (my "Matt" version of Madison) Grace. The baby's nickname, either way, will be baby Matty.
We are parent's of two very loved babies. A beautiful girl, Peyton Grace, who earned her wings much too early, and a Rainbow Baby, Matty, who will be our Earthly baby.
I am far from grateful that we will not be given the opportunity to watch our babies grow-up together, but I am very blessed to be both Peyton and Matty's Mom.
Fundraiser in Honor of Peyton Grace, Benefiting the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Organization
On Saturday April 27th Matt and I hosted our first fundraiser in honor of our beautiful baby girl. All proceeds benefited the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep Organization (NILMDTS). NILMDTS offers free photography for families facing the untimely death of an infant. We were served by NILMDTS the morning following Peyton's birth.
Marti, a volunteer photographer, photographed Peyton and our family. We received the pictures a week later in the mail, along with a beautiful DVD of pictures set to music.
Marti's pictures have allowed me to memorize Peyton's face... the exact placement of her ears, the dip in her nose, the crease of her chin. There are no words for how much that means to Matt and I.
We felt this overwhelming need to give back to NILMDTS, which led to us holding a fundraiser to help with the financial needs of a non-profit organization.
The fundraiser was AMAZING! Our goal was to raised $1,500 for NILMDTS. We were shocked to learn that we raised $2,743 in Peyton's name! How awesome is that? We will be depositing the money into the bank on Saturday morning, and then we will certify mail a check for $2,743 to NILMDTS Headquarters in Colorado.
We also collected 109 children's books. Sunday evening Matt and I loaded up the car with the big box of books and ventured to Hillcrest Hospital Pediatric ER. They knew we were coming with a book donation, but when they saw how big the box was they were overwhelmed with happiness! They had not received a book donation in over 2 years, so it was truly AWESOME to see their faces light up. Hillcrest Hospital was so good to us when we delivered our daughter, and we are so thankful that we were able to give back in some way.
I want to thank our family for helping us the evening of the fundraiser, ensuring that everything went smoothly.Matt and I love you all so much, and are so thankful for your help. We would also like to thank Cori for all of her hard work in collecting so many great donations for the Chinese Raffle. You are such a beautiful person inside and out! Lastly, I would like to thank Marti, our NILMDTS photographer, and her husband Lou, for photographing our event and for being a part of NILMDTS. We are forever grateful that our lives have intersected.
