We began by placing her blankets in boxes, and taping them up. We are keeping her monkey quilt, and blanket specially made by her Nana out. Her monkey quilt is displayed on a miniature rocking chair that her Build-A-Bear monkey, Baby, sits in. Baby is dressed in an Angel costume. It makes me happy to look at. Peytons' other blanket, made by Nana, we will display on a quilt rack. Peyton was wrapped with both blankets at the hospital. Her monkey quilt stayed with her at the funeral home too!
We then packed the rest of her clothing away - although there is a long bin of her clothing that I am keeping under our bed. It makes me feel better for some reason. She had so many outfits, pretty dresses of every color, 4 dozen sleepers (seriously!), the cutest pair of Levi skinny jeans, 15 pairs of shoes, hand knitted sweaters, a million "I Love Daddy!" garments, and her teeny tiny swimsuit I bought way back in July. She'll never wear any of her clothes or shoes.
I packed away her bath necessities, i.e. washcloths, towels, a ladybug bath sponge. Matt took apart her swing and bouncer. I took the wall decals of monkeys, hippos, and giraffes down. I left a monkey on the wall.
Monkey's were our theme for Peyton. When I was pregnant with Peyton she would not kick all day, but when Matthew got home from work and said hello to my belly she would go crazy with kicks and nudges. She was such a Daddy's Girl. Matt picked out the nursery theme... purple and monkeys. Peyton was our monkey.
Matt took apart the crib, and then the bassinet. I left the sheets on both mattresses. I could never lay a different baby on Peyton's sheets. We are donating the crib, and the mattresses.
And then Matt took apart our beautiful jogging stroller, and put it back in the box it came in. Matt says we will have to store the stroller at his brother, Steve's, house since we don't have any more space for it. I don't want her stroller to be away from me though. I want her stroller right here. I'll never get to take Peyton on a morning jog with me in that stroller, or push her around in it at the Zoo. It took me two months to pick the perfect stroller for Peyton - I even debated on the color for a month after that. She would have loved that stroller. We would have made so many memories with that stroller. We would have taken her to so many places in that stroller.
Peytons' car seat is still in the car. I haven't asked Matthew to pack it away. I don't think I will. I like it in the car. It reminds me that we were ready to bring her home, that we were prepared in every single way... except for this.
Peytons' things are packed away. Where her nursery was early this morning now sits a desk and a recliner. I'm not sure that I'll use the desk, or that I'll ever sit in that recliner. That space will always be Peyton's space.
I left her ultrasound pictures on the wall. I even left the street sign that says "Peyton Road". I hung a picture of Matt, myself, and Peyton at the hospital that was taken just minutes after she was born.
My heart is so heavy now. Peytons' nursery no longer exists. I am angry. So angry. There is no reason for this.
We have a desk and a recliner. Where do we go from here? I'm not sure of that answer yet.
